9. Nebraska, February 4th, 2005 – “You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn’t it? I mean, that is fantastic that you’re doing that.” – said Bush to a struggling single mother of three. 8. New Hampshire, January 27th, 2000 – “I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.” We’d prefer not to, thanks all the same!7. Wisconsin, October 18th, 2000 – “Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.” – Erm…what? I’m sure there’s well-meaning in there somewhere…maybe.6. Montana, October 8th, 2004 – “I hear there’s rumors on the Internets that we’re going to have a draft.” – Yeah, you’d think someone would really have let him know, right? Poor Bush…

5. Washington DC, August 5th, 2004 – “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” – Charming!4. Montana, September 6th, 2004 – “Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across the country.” – So much wrong with this one I don’t know where to start!3. Houston, September 6th, 2000 – “We’ll let our friends be the peacekeepers and the great country called America will be the pacemakers.” – Genius.2. Washington DC, September 19th, 2008 – “Anyone engaging in illegal financial transactions will be caught and persecuted.” – and so they should be!1. Tennessee, September 17th, 2002 – “There’s an old saying in Tennessee %u2014 I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee %u2014 that says, fool me once, shame on %u2014 shame on you. Fool me %u2014 you can’t get fooled again.” – Simply the best…EVER!

You know, I never thought I’d get nostalgic for the days when George W. Bush was the Republican candidate in the Presidential election, but looking at the sorry shower the Grand Ole Party have assembled to try and challenge Obama, I can’t help thinking that, even with hindsight, Georgie would give them all a run for their money.

In fact, the class of 2012 are so bad I am seriously contemplating abandoning civilisation altogether to go and live in shack in the woods. I would do it if I could fine heating oil suppliers that deliver to the middle of nowhere and if I could still get to watch “Sex and the City” on TV.

I thought the Republicans couldn’t sink any lower than Georgie; then came Palin. I thought they couldn’t sink any lower than a moose hunting hockey Mom whose idea of foreign relations was to say “I can see Russian from my house”. Or was that Tina Fey? The impression was so uncanny and Tina Fey so much more intelligent that I did wonder if the Republicans had ever considered replacing Palin with her TV doppelgänger!

And now we have homophobe Rick Santorum, the victim of the cruellest and funniest internet prank of all time; Herman McCain who mumbles nonsense sound-bites that make him sound like a whack-job conspiracy theorist; and Rick Perry who is so completely dumb, he doesn’t even know what his own main policies are. It’s a scary thing to say, but Newt Gingrich is actually the best Republican candidate. On the plus side, his winning the candidacy does all but secure us another four years of Obama. On the down side, if he manages to sneak in he’ll probably try to forcefully repatriate all the Native Americans to India and expand Guantanamo so he can send all the gays there too. What a great time to be an American…

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The world wants to know: who would make a lovelier drag queen, George W Bush or John McCain?

Now, don’t scoff and brush off this vital question as mere nonsense. It is essential that we as citizens of the world are evaluating our politicians from every possible angle. After all, American politics is, for the most part, a popularity contest, decided by which candidate is the most likeable. Why not, then, go ahead and dress the candidates as 13-year-old girls and make the popularity contest official?

Here’s my vision for the first day of drag school, featuring George W and ole John.

George W would, no doubt, show up to his first day of “drag school” in his cheerleader outfit. (Yes, he was a cheerleader in real life.) He’d have his hair back in braids, his socks pulled up, and his running shoes on, ready to have some fun. His make-up would be a little too heavy, and he’d be the most outgoing woman you’ve ever met.

McCain, on the other hand, would take the erudite route. He would dress to impress in a prom dress; his shoes high heels; his fingers, arms and ears bedecked with silver jewellery. His make-up would also be too heavy for different reasons: he would cake it on the way older people do to hide blemishes, not the way younger people do to appear grown-up. He’d be shy and demure, but secretly plotting to destroy the reputations of the other girls so he could feel better about himself.

Oh how the drama would unfold. Eventually, they’d become part of the same social group, and they’d destroy one another even as they were building each other up. Just like middle school.

And then Mitt Romney would transfer in, and he’d be really popular with all the “corporate” girls . . .

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I would love to watch John McCain and George W compete with one another in their understanding of technology. Didn’t McCain make a remark during his campaign that he doesn’t use email or something along those lines? And we can be sure that ole Georgey is missing some buttons on his iphone. Some elements of the competition:

- First, they both have to send an email. Easy enough?

- Then, a text.

- Then, they both have to successfully set up a facebook account.

- They have to check that facebook account on an iphone and post on one another’s walls.

- They have to join google + and add at least ten people to each of their circles.

- Now let’s get fancy. For the next round, both of them have to scan their butts and their faces, then mash them together in photoshop, then work successfully with an online printing website like 48hour print.com or whatever to make the picture into postcards. (Anyone who’s ever used one of those sites knows how tough they can be for a non-computer-savvy individual.)

- For the penultimate round, they each have to build an e-map of the world, including naming every country and its capital, using flash. They have to upload it to a web site that they design and name themselves.

- Finally, in at least two-thousand words, they have to describe the internet. How does it work? What enables it to run? What is a server? What is net neutrality? (They have to write at least five-hundred words on that last part alone.)

The winner gets to see Mitt Romney’s myspace page.

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I have done a lot of jobs in my life ranging from Special Needs Teaching Jobs to Juggling Fire at the Circus, but now I solely dedicate my life to finding the funniest things that the stupidest people have ever done and sharing them with the world!

Although Bush and Mc Cain are idiots, we all know who the biggest idiot of the two is and that’s Bush, there really is no doubt about it. But hey at least he is a funny idiot that provides us with humour and keeps us laughing long after he is gone.

Let’s take a look at the top ten funniest things Bush has done.

1. During the G-8 Summit Bush decides to give an unwanted and creepy neck rub to Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor. What the hell was he thinking!

2. Whilst pardoning a turkey for thanksgiving Bush gets violated! Bush gets more than he bargained for when the turkey lunges for his genitals on thanksgiving. At least the turkey likes him!

3. Bush drops his poor little dog Barnie in front of a group of horrified children. What an idiot.

4. Bush was happily eating some pretzels and before he knew it he was choking then he was on the floor. Why you ask? Because he fainted, that’s right you heard me he fainted from a pretzel!

5. During Bush’s time served as Texas governor he taped an interview at a television station in Austin. When he gives the one fingered victory salute is when people started to worry.

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In the United States, politics is not diesel storage, it remains a sensitive issue. In my opinion, the political scene in the US is one of the most advanced and fully developed in the world. This statement may look like a random one but the voters, voting system and environment in the country makes it a special place; a political atmosphere that is worth paying great attention to. Once you get it right in the public’s eye then you are in almost everybody’s good books. Obama for example knew what the people wanted and that was the exact thing he offered them and he became a house hold name. McCain is an example of those who have been sent out because they missed it. An average American voter understands political statements and is able to link it with everyday life.

Sometimes, all you need to do to end your political chances or even career in some cases is to say the one word and if you have the chance, one statement is enough to kill any aspiration. Senator McCain is the perfect example for the above statement; political experts believe that he committed political suicide by his own accord. George Bush, no matter how much maligned was able to remain in the white house for two consecutive terms. I think Bush is someone that understands the political nature of his country very well. He has a way of making up when he has said or done something that is not popular among the people.

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For me, the closest similarity between George Bush and John McCain is that I dislike republicans. I so much dislike them that my friends told me not to mention it again because they are fed up with me repeating it all the time. I am fan of neither men but it will be good to examine both under the dislike light. I recently got to know while reading a Clinton biography that George Bush escaped or avoided military service by reason of his father’s influence. His father was not yet the President of the United States but he was already popular and could pull a few strings just like he did to ‘save'the younger man from serving his nation. The first time I saw bush on television was during his Presidential campaigns which was aided by many print posters. I really wanted Al Gore to win but that is history now.
I don’t have much to say about McCain but the first impression I had of him is that he is cocky and unintelligent. Apologies to his fans but I am sure most of you also agree that his lack of brains was one of the reasons he lost to Obama. Don’t even dare to blame his not so smart brain on old age because I will not agree. What I am talking about is not a sign of senility. My joy knew no bounds the day I found out he was Obama’s running mate. I became assured of Obama’s victory because I know when it comes to voting right, Americans are the pioneers and they are still good at it. So if you ask me, Bush or McCain? Neither!

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In the campaigns of both politicians, it was argued which one would be a better choice for the American nation. However, what George Bush had as a leader would hardly be possessed by any upcoming leader of the U.S. simply because, no matter how funny Bush was, he managed to exceed the U.S. influence beyond borders and to gain quite a few benefits that the country would enjoy for years to come.

From the army kit insurance in when troops were deployed in Afghanistan to the military offensive in Iraq, Bush had it all sorted. He managed to influence sponsorship from private military organizations and private parties which provided him with additional war budget. This is the reason the recession in the US was not as hard as it would have been if Bush was fighting with the Afghani talibans and with the Iraqi radicals ising purely state funds.

Secondly, Bush managed to implicate some taxation legislation that eased the taxpayers in the dawn of the economic crisis. This has been a brilliant example of how a person knows his people – by implementing this changes, the president managed to slow down the effects of the crisis and make sure that the Americans would recover for less than five years – and they are already quickly recovering.

Comparing Bush and McCain is not only unreasonable but also impractical since what Bush did required something more of a president. It required a person with proper reactions. Even the current office held by Obama can be widely criticized as the current leader addresses economic and social issues slowly and ineffectively compared to his predecessor.

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I guess we can all agree that George W and John McCain are good all American guys. George, unlike McCain, may have managed to avoid actually serving in the military, but he sent a lot of other guys off to war – and what’s more American than a good old-fashioned conflict?
So if we’re dealing with a contest between two good old-fashioned guys then we have to find a good old American way to figure out whose the number one dude out of these “great” leaders. And these days, there’s nothing more American than a spot of live TV karaoke; American Idol. Forget that this programme actually started in the UK, it’s us Americans who have made the show great, making Simon Cowell a global phenomenon and launching dozens of musical careers. Why not get George and John to sign up for the next series and see who’s the best at warbling an emotional Mariah Carey cover or grinding around the stage to a Britney classic?
Of course, you have to remember that these guys are both staid and serious Republicans, so there’s probably only one way you could ever hope to get them up on stage in a glittery shirt and tight rock star pants; spike their morning coffees. Let’s just hope the producers of the show don’t use hair alcohol testing, or we might have some serious questions to answer.
I guess most people would probably back George; he’s a but younger than John and it sounds like he knew how to party in his youth. But let’s not forget his language blunders over the years. I reckon he’d have some serious problems remembering the words of his chosen song! Maybe John would surprise us all with a soulful country and western number. Lots of those are about prison cells after all…

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