Drag Competition
The world wants to know: who would make a lovelier drag queen, George W Bush or John McCain?
Now, don’t scoff and brush off this vital question as mere nonsense. It is essential that we as citizens of the world are evaluating our politicians from every possible angle. After all, American politics is, for the most part, a popularity contest, decided by which candidate is the most likeable. Why not, then, go ahead and dress the candidates as 13-year-old girls and make the popularity contest official?
Here’s my vision for the first day of drag school, featuring George W and ole John.
George W would, no doubt, show up to his first day of “drag school” in his cheerleader outfit. (Yes, he was a cheerleader in real life.) He’d have his hair back in braids, his socks pulled up, and his running shoes on, ready to have some fun. His make-up would be a little too heavy, and he’d be the most outgoing woman you’ve ever met.
McCain, on the other hand, would take the erudite route. He would dress to impress in a prom dress; his shoes high heels; his fingers, arms and ears bedecked with silver jewellery. His make-up would also be too heavy for different reasons: he would cake it on the way older people do to hide blemishes, not the way younger people do to appear grown-up. He’d be shy and demure, but secretly plotting to destroy the reputations of the other girls so he could feel better about himself.
Oh how the drama would unfold. Eventually, they’d become part of the same social group, and they’d destroy one another even as they were building each other up. Just like middle school.
And then Mitt Romney would transfer in, and he’d be really popular with all the “corporate” girls . . .
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