Pie Eating Contest
Nothing is more American than a good old fashioned pie eating contest. So what better way to decide who is more of a MAN than that. The first thing to do is to print posters advertising the ultimate event “George W Bush versus John McCain-the Pie is the Prize”.
A pie eating contest involves a pile of apple or cherry pies , the hands tied behind the back of the contestants, and a timer. When the judge says go, each contestant dives face first into the pie and eats it without using their hands. An assistant removes the pie tin, once it is finished and replaces it with another pie. The contestant who eats the most wins.
John McCain, having been a prisoner of war and having known real hunger, would have the obvious advantage. It sadly reminds me of the people who died just after the end of World War Two when the Russians liberated the concentration camps and the Jewish inmates, dove onto the abundant food that was given to them. Many then died, from the strain on their system after years of near starvation.
George W Bush, having grown up in Texas, might have the advantage, because he is used to a life of gluttony and excess. When you go to Texas, it is the land of steaks that weigh more than a kilo. Instead of serving the military in Vietnam he would have had practice at numerous family events and country fairs. Perhaps, his life of alcoholic excess would additionally give his system and adequate preparation to binge on pies and not suffer.
While John McCain is short and stocky Bush has got the larger more fillable physique, in his own words, he is more pie-able than the humble John McCain.
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